It’s hard to pinpoint the moment I recognized that writing had a profound impact on my life.

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It could have been after I landed my first internship as a sophomore, largely due to my experiences with writing and editing. Or maybe I started to understand as I hung out at Charley’s on a Sunday afternoon and looked around, aware that I knew and adored the faces around me through the writing communities I was involved with. Maybe it was last February, when I wrote the article I’m still most proud of to this day.

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It doesn’t matter much that I don’t know exactly when I came to realize writing’s impact

on my life. But I am grateful that I realized it at some point, because I’m able to express how thankful I am for it today. Over the past four years, I have seen my writing grow in a way that may not be noticeable to the casual reader’s eyes. Sure, my grammar has improved, and so has my ability to write with purpose. But when I look at a sample of my writing now, I can feel my confidence exude from the page. Confidence has transformed my writing, and in turn, transformed the way I approach my life and my relationships with other people.

 

Through writing, I found a way to express myself and my true feelings by leaving everything out before

me.

 

***

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Before, I used to reserve my innermost thoughts for just myself, in turn shutting out what could have been a meaningful discussion. The reasoning behind this can be traced back to when I was a child, and the challenges I faced socially throughout elementary school because of my struggles.

 

My earliest memories of my speech impediment come from when I was just four years old. I sat on a stool in the middle of a sterile sound booth and looked through a glass window to the other side, where my mom sat with a doctor. The instructions were clear. I was supposed to raise my hand when I heard certain beeps and boops. No, it wouldn’t hurt. No, it wouldn’t take too long. After I had been thoroughly convinced that I would be safe and that Mom wasn’t going to leave, I agreed to go into the room alone. I sat there, with a cold, metal oversized headset resting on top of my small head, the pads on its sides messing up my blonde bangs. I was uncomfortable. But I followed the rules, as I always did, raising my hand when I heard the foreign sounds.

 

Being that I was so young, I didn’t understand why I had to be there. I don’t remember the test’s exact results—likely because my parents didn’t communicate them to me at the time—but I do know that I suffered a slight hearing problem from my many ear infections, and in turn, my speech was heavily affected.

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Even if I could read and comprehend the text in front of me, I couldn’t always pronounce it. This led to poor reading grades from the teachers who tested me. I would get incredibly frustrated when I saw my friends move up a reading level as I was left in the dust, all the while knowing that I could read better and faster than them. I started to spend all my time at home with my nose in a book too advanced for my age (usually “Harry Potter”), while being forced to practice my ‘Rs’ and ‘Ls’ by reading much less demanding books out loud in the school’s speech pathologist office.

 

It’s unreasonable to connect the dots and say that that’s the exact reason why I took up writing, but I know that it played a part in it. My words were smooth on paper, free of error. I could take my time when explaining my thoughts. Out loud, my words never came out correctly. I was afraid to read out loud in front of my classmates, and at times, I was even afraid to speak.

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It pushed me into my love for reading, and I aspired to be an author or journalist. That’s likely what led me to The Michigan Daily when I was a freshman on campus, and to the Minor in Writing Program. That’s when writing really started to take my life to new places.

 

***

 

In the Minor in Writing gateway course, I was just starting to realize the impact that the writing had on my life. The editors there encouraged me to find the stories that no one else would tell, and to tell them in my own voice. They were even the ones who encouraged me to join the Minor in Writing. In my “Why I Write” essay, it’s clear that I’m aware that the Daily has brought me confidence:

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“A few weeks ago, I had to schedule all my classwork in advance so I could make an 11-hour car ride to and from North Carolina just to cover a Tuesday night basketball game. It sounds crazy, I know. It sounds even crazier when I detail the drive back. The roads in the mountains of West Virginia weren’t conducive to flash-flood drainage, so we spent a considerable amount of time driving on a two-lane highway in a car that was hydroplaning. … But at the same time, the trip made a positive impact on my life. I filed a story from a court in Raleigh, gained some much-needed confidence, and spent time with people who would become my friends. When I go home for holiday break, my friends won’t ask me about the parties I went to, but instead the road trips I went on.”

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When I was writing this essay, the words came to me quicker and easier than before. As a central requirement of the Minor in Writing Gateway course, the guidelines for the “Why I Write” essay were to clearly demonstrate, through personal experience, why writing was integral to your life. It’s a tall order because it’s complex and difficult to explore exactly why a person is drawn to writing. After days of brainstorming, I had the realization that I enjoy writing because I love storytelling in everyday life. I chose to write about how I’m an aspiring storyteller, and how that transforms my interactions with other people. If I could tell a story effectively, it would bring confidence into my everyday life, and that first started to happen when I was writing for the Daily.

 

On the surface, I was just writing about games, but at its core, I was telling a story about people and what happened to them. I enjoyed looking at it this way because it helped me feel more self-reliant and determined when communicating with others. In this excerpt, I even mention that I “gained some much"needed confidence,” but didn’t explain on how that further bettered my life. Now, I realize how I could improve that essay, and that I should have expanded on how I had grown accustomed to staying quiet in school due to the long battle with my speech impediment. All of that started to change when I realized I would have to speak up in press conferences and interview players to keep my job at the Daily, as well as insert my opinion into emotion-filled columns. I knew that if I wanted to stay involved at the Daily, I would have to find my words.

 

At first it was painful, as if every syllable I let out of my mouth would be the wrong one. I had grown up in fear of sounding unintelligent, and in doing so, wasn’t used to speaking in front of large crowds of people. It was like immersion therapy for my speech skills. I learned that most of the time, I didn’t trip over my words like I thought I would. It was freeing, and it transferred over to my writing as well. It even made me more confident in my own thoughts.

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Writing was transforming my personality and willingness to share ever so slowly. I was usually the quiet student in high school, reserved while keeping my opinions to myself. Just a year before I wrote my “Why I Write” essay, I had to apply to the Minor in Writing Program with a letter of interest. In my application, I started off my essay with a bland statement about the utility of writing rather than the feeling of it.

 

“Regardless of what career I pursue, being able to write clearly and effectively is an indispensable skill. My interest in writing started at an early age, and as I become closer and closer to entering the professional world, I realize how necessary that ability is.”

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Yuck.

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It’s like I thought I knew exactly what the Minor in Writing admissions committee was looking for, so in just over 700 words, my letter attempted to include every reason why I thought writing was important to my future and why it is important to me now, all while lacking emotion. I wrote about how I have decided to pursue another field other than sports journalism, perhaps advertising, but that writing skills are important regardless of field. As the essay moves forward, it becomes clear that it’s a mix of humble bragging and grandiose expectations.

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There are bountiful examples of writing like this in the applications I have filled out throughout college. It’s easily detectable, and I’m sure it was to the committees that were evaluating me as well. Now, I try to make a concerted effort to stay true to myself when applying to new places. I stay confident in who I am as a person, and that makes it easier to write effectively with purpose.

 

***

 

Earlier this semester in English 325, I wrote about how, as a freshman in college, I came to the realization that I was a Midwesterner. I wanted to explore how it changed the perception I previously had of myself, and how I hated the new label that was being attached to me. In turn, I learned to apply a label to everyone I met, only realizing that it was a very one-dimensional way to view someone after I finally hoisted myself out of my self-hate.

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“None of the juxtapositions fit with the way I viewed myself, but I flashed back to earlier that day when I was aware of my plainness. I suddenly felt small, much smaller than Sara, and shrank back. Did my new roommate actually think I was mindless and naive?”

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I would not have been comfortable sharing this moment with a class before I started to write for the Daily and the Minor in Writing program. I was sharing a moment of weakness with the class, admitting that something as silly as a geographical label made me writhe in self-doubt. I had gained the confidence to tell a story about myself, fully and truthfully. It’s clear to me that it was a much better personal essay for this reason.

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I don’t think I would have felt comfortable telling my story had I not gained the experience of telling a different story exactly one year earlier. The moment that I truly started to feel secure in my ability to write and tell an impactful story was when I published “Athletes Connected: Fighting the hidden battles,” a feature about the mental health services now offered by the University of Michigan Athletic Department. It includes interviews with athletes who have struggled with their own anxiety, and an interview with a mother of an athlete who committed suicide. Athletes Connected serves a very important role on campus at Michigan, as just 10 percent of student-athletes with depression or anxiety use mental health services due to the stigma attached to it in the sports world.

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I took my time with this piece because I understood the impact it could have on the sports community at Michigan, as well as the people who were brave enough to share their stories with me. I would not have felt nearly comfortable or confident enough to write about this topic before gaining writing experience in the Minor in Writing and realizing that at my core, I strive to be a storyteller. At this point in time, I evolved into a proactive writer instead of a reactive one, choosing to write a story because an argument needed to be made instead of just being assigned it. As corny as it sounds, I knew that if I believed in myself and made every effort possible to make it an impactful story, then I could trust myself to take on a meaningful topic.

 

***

 

Now, as a senior in the Minor in Writing Capstone course, I can’t imagine who I would be as a writer without my involvement in the Minor and the Daily. This semester has included a great deal of self-reflection on the strides I have made in the past four years on campus. It has also included the realization that I have a long way to go:

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“I cringe when I go back and read my articles from my freshman year, but I’m also happy to be aware of the improvements I’ve made in my writing. I really enjoy helping new writers as a senior editor at the paper and trying to make them cognizant of the pitfalls I committed when I was their age. The Daily engulfed my life for a while there, so it will be strange to sit back this semester and just relax now that football season is over.”

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I wrote this in our Minor in Writing blog at the beginning of the semester, and the message still rings true. Though I have seen a great deal of both personal and academic growth, I remind myself constantly that I must continue to approach things with a confident but open mind. In my capstone project this semester, I have explored the ways in which people interact with their devises when in the presence of other people. I have weaved together research with my own personal narrative, and I wouldn’t have been able to do that as a younger writer. I would have shied away from the responsibility that comes with sharing my own thoughts, but I know that I’ve come a long way from being the closed-off child who struggled to share her thoughts because of a speech impediment.

 

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Works Cited

Hall, Kelly L. Why I Write. Writing 220, 2015.

Hall, Kelly L. Admissions Letter to Minor in Writing. 2014.

Hall, Kelly L. Labels. English 325, 2017.

Hall, Kelly L. Athletes Connected: Fighting the hidden battles. The Michigan Daily, 2016.

Hall, Kelly L. I’m Back! Sweetland Minor in Writing Blog, 2017.